Postpartum Depression : A Scary Nightmare for a New Mom
It’s rare that I post about mommy topics or stray away from the normal articles. After reading another blogger’s article I decided to write this article about postpartum depression, it’s something very personal that I suffered with for years. Postpartum depression is a scary nightmare for a new mom that is supposed to be happy and joyful for her newborn.
What is Postpartum Depression?
It’s a type of depression that comes on strong after having a baby. Often times mothers experience this in the first three months of having a child. It can be due to hormones, stress, or a history of depression. It can last for a length of time as well.
I had my son Cameron in 2012, I was only 18 and still a senior in high school. I had a boyfriend that at the time was a mess and was probably the worst relationship I’ve ever had. I was living in a small single wide trailer with my boyfriend that had severe anger issues. What a dream life right? No.
Shortly after having my son my depression started when I saw myself in the mirror. Every morning for the first week I’d wake up and see my stomach, I went from weighing 105 to 200 during my pregnancy. It was traumatizing because I didn’t have my mother around to tell me what I’d expect after having my son. Nurses thought I just knew and I didn’t educate myself, I was young and naive. I didn’t realize that after my son I’d bleed for a week or two weeks, heavy. Or that I could get an infection from breastfeeding.
…with my weight, but after a few weeks I became tired. I’d be up all night with my son on and off taking care of him while his dead slept or was working. I felt like I was alone and didn’t have help. After a night of waking up on and off and barely getting sleep I’d get up to head over to school for the day. After a few weeks of sleepless nights, I felt myself dragging. I’d start to pick fights about taking care of the baby with my now ex and he’d always come up with an excuse or it’d get to be a screaming match.
Sleepless nights started to play a key factor in a lot of my depression, as well as my boyfriend. When my son was two months old I felt I was trying my hardest to keep myself together and even when it got bad I was still trying my hardest. Of course there was always something that would spike up my depression and make me feel like it was better if I wasn’t around. I got to a point where while breastfeeding my son both of my breast got clogged ducts. I felt like I couldn’t provide for him and I was doomed to fail him. I found myself crying for a few hours in the bathroom while he was napping.
These small things started to build up on me, until one day I came close to believe it wasn’t worth it.
Questions & thoughts I found myself thinking:
- Is it really worth it?
- Maybe they’d be better without me.
- What did I do to live like this?
- My son deserves someone better than me.
- I’ll never lose this weight.
- I’ll never be able to go out again and I’ll be stuck inside this house forever.
Now if anyone knows me personally it’s very odd for me to think like this. If there is a problem I want to know how I can solve it, but this was something I couldn’t control. I felt it wasn’t going to get any better. After a year of feeling this way and feeling alone, things started to change.
How I overcame Postpartum Depression
After suffering for a year and I mean suffering, things started to change for me. Physically my body started to change after a year, naturally it started to take over and I started to shed some weight. With the weight loss my hormones started to adjust back to normal. I felt a slight lift just with these small changes. My best friend started to come over more, so I had a shoulder to cry on when things got rough and a support outlet. She didn’t always know when I felt at my lowest, but she knew when I needed someone by me. A few weeks after my son turned one I got my license and finally my first real job.
These were the changes that turned it all around for me:
- I consulted a doctor about my hormones to make sure it wasn’t something physically for example having a baby can alter your thyroid
- I got a car ( I was able to go our more and I felt a little more free instead of being in the house. Even on days I just wanted to stay inside I pushed myself to go out. )
- I started to work. ( As much as it sucked to stray away from being a stay at home mom, I needed human interaction.)
- I started to spend more time with my friend. Having someone there for you is really beneficial. Never let yourself feel alone.
I hope you genuinely liked my post, but I wrote this in hopes that other moms that are going through this will read it. I know it isn’t always easy and it seems like things would be better off without you, but I promise they won’t be. We need you around and we need you to push through it. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, I’m here!
If you need someone to reach out to in a time of need, please contact me! I’ll personally talk one on one with you and we will work through it!